i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
