Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
