i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Barsexuality is the new black.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
