i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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