Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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