Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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