How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize