theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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