it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
