Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
