Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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