so let's talk penis.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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