thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
