that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
