Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Is Oprah even human
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
