Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
