Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
