the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
