meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
