I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
