as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
