Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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