We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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