it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
