so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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