Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
