i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize