C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Let's get the cat blown out
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
