I think I am morally bankrupt
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
