I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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