Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Its about making memories worth repressing
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
