You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
