Apparently you make a good broom.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
