trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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