theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
