WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
