i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
