I like my sex mixed with concussions.
one two three fourrrrnication!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The feeling are messing with the penis
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Randomize
