decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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