how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
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For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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