one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
