I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
