I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
God gave him joint rollers for hands
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
