Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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