I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now