she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Damn victory sex feels great
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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