apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
being pregnant is like rehab
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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