Just fell off a train. Bad.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
