So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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