There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
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He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
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I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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