I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
