that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think my fart just growled at me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
