The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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