Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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