I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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