I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
