Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
