We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
