you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
