You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
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I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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