You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
