I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
