By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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