I'm drive I can fine osifer
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
